In times of change there is often a gap between how I'd like to act and how I am acting, what I am saying out loud and what I wish I was saying.
The new unfurls in front of me as a green pasture where I can see harmony and breath, freedom, light.
Yet the dirth of the old still lingers: I'm saying things that belong in another moment to another woman, and that woman is defiant.
The essence of the new me escapes and hurtles down the stairs - Away Away Away! Its too hard, change is too tiring!
Why can't I act the old way, it used to seem so easy!
Outside the myriad of factors are morphing and changing, so that responses to the behaviour which used to serve me well have shifted. I can only rely on a loyalty to my authentic self, it is the only constant and responds truthfully when I call on it.
Cling to an outdated pattern and it sends clear messages: Stop!! Reverse!!
Adapt to the new situation with heart open and free and the message is calm and reassuring.
It feels like home to act as close to my authentic self as I can. Resonating safety and warmth. It feels frightening to act out of line with this authentic self, even if what I am doing or saying worked just yesterday, in this moment it is not the truth and I can get blockages at the throat, tears in the eyes, pain in the heart as my left brain tries to make sense of what's going wrong: I stop, take a breath and check in. Then speak from this place and I am home once more.
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